I recently overheard a conversation in which two people were discussing intrusive thoughts. “Oh god, I get them all the time,” said person one. My brain is always telling me I'm not good enough, or this and that are going to happen”. " Isn't that negative thinking?” Person two replied. That got me thinking: Do people really know the difference, and do I? 

Humans don’t come with an instruction manual, however, it was pointed out to me recently that I probably do. I’ll try to explain that.

I popped out for a loaf of bread in November last year, and I've been drifting about in the wilderness ever since, clutching a mouldy loaf. Still, scrape it off, and it will be ok for toast.

As he stands in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing his teeth and lamenting the loss of the youthful elasticity in his skin, he makes eye contact with his reflection, groans, and then quickly looks away. I stand behind him, “You're getting on a bit old man, who's going to fancy that now eh?” I can tell he agrees but doesn't reply, he rarely does. When he does it's usually a jovial “piss off, or shut it!”. It's banter, at least I think it is. 

Recently, I was given the opportunity to do something kind of cool, involving a forest, bikes, cameras, and mental health. I mean, come on … If that hasn't got me written all over it, I don't know what has.

I was asked if the little kid with the cool hair and glasses still danced with them.

“Yeh mate… erm, different sort of diversity I think!”.

As I get older I realise that I have an impulsive side but that was the summit of Mount Impulse, I spent no time at base camp perusing the foothills, plotting my route at all. “Hi, I’m here to scale Mount Impulse… yeah training, correct clothing, people fall or freeze to death, blah blah blah, screw it,  see you in a bit. The top is this way right?”

This week (end of September 2024) marks one year since I self-published the book and as time has gone by, the urge to throw down some more words has increased. It helps to declutter the brain in a way that is unsurpassed by anything else I have tried before.

In 2014 I ran every day for a year, yes 365 days, but before we get into that, it is probably worth giving you a little bit of an insight into why I think my challenge happened at all.

The Happiness Curve or ‘U-shaped’ curve is a plotted line on a graph. Starting at the top left-hand side of our ‘U’ in our 20’s, moving through to the bottom of the curve in our 40’s. Then to rise again and see us at the top of the right-hand point of the ‘U’ later in life.

Being in a situation where an emotive response is the correct response comes with a heavy amount of pressure for me, imagine standing in front of an unexploded ticking bomb with a pair of wire cutters, and the only training you ever did was for a cycling proficiency certificate in 1981.

Talking is often difficult for me. Once I get going I'll talk all day long. But in dark times, I find it difficult to start. Being in a relationship with me must be like owning a classic car!

You know how it's said that you don't go a day without seeing a cow? Well, I don't go a day without hearing about mental health. Maybe it's because I'm invested in the subject so heavily at the moment, nevertheless, talk of it is never far away.

In the interests of finding new ways to settle my mind, I thought I'd try a gong bath.

Relaxing is not something I do very well, even during the times I consider my most relaxed, I'm like a snoozing dog. To the onlooker, I'm out for the count, but in reality, I'm ready to pounce at the slightest noise.

Fred was a baby when he was adopted by a same race typical American couple in Milwaukee Wisconsin. His parents loved him, this he knew. What he didn’t know was he was adopted.

The concept of trauma has been and has meant many different things to so many different people and generations over the decades, centuries and millennia. Does it harden the steel and make you better or does it tear you down and stop you from being your true self. How can we succeed in finding the order in the chaos?

Having good mental health is like tending a lawn, you spend time mowing it, cleaning up all the cuttings, trimming the edges, and sweeping up the mess, it all looks lovely, doesn't it?

Being adopted really does make life tricky, especially when that life asks you to promote yourself. It's like standing in front of a crowd of people with a sign saying; ‘This is me, please point out my faults, its fine, I'm expecting you to!’

Being adopted comes with trauma. That trauma makes life hard at times, and as adoptees, we feel it every day. We might not understand our feelings at the time, but they are ever-present.

On Monday the 9th of October 2023, I was invited to BBC Radio Nottingham to talk about the book.