Being Adopted - Quick Start Guide
Congratulations, welcome, and thank you for being an adoptee!
We’ve taken a few liberties here, and given you a lifetime subscription to your adoption, it saves you the hassle of going through all the paperwork, and you are free to hit the ground running. We did this because we thought it would be the best thing for you, and we just know you're going to love it!
You are joining nearly 3000 people a year in the UK alone, according to Gov.UK. With numbers that high, how could this possibly be a poor decision?
At the end of March 2023, there were 83,840 ‘looked after’ children in the UK, so you should consider yourself very lucky … shouldn't you?
So, let's get you up and running …
Step1
Firstly, the decisions leading up to you becoming an adoptee have been made for you; this is a very complicated process, and would have involved us successfully installing and initialising Relinquishment 1.0 firmware. If the code is set correctly by our team, it will have booted Extreme Difficulty 2.1 and Unwanted Pregnancy 7.3 in your originators. This extreme situation in primary life-givers often makes it almost impossible for them to see a life with you in it. Because of the delicacy of running this program, it can cause some instability, and due to this, the installation should not be taken on by untrained personnel, although it often is.
Step 2
Relinquishment Trauma 2.0 should now self-initialise and should start to install a full set of working parameters within your infant processor. It's designed to work completely independently in the background, and it is self-configuring, requiring no input from you. You won't notice any impact on speed or computing capabilities in the first instance. However, we have had reports of older processing units being corrupted.
Step 3
Your newly configured processor and hardware can now be transferred and installed into an outsourced server room of our choosing. At this point, we will issue a docking competition certificate. Please do not attempt to use this document's serial numbers to cross-check with any other previously issued certificates, as due to an administrative error, none of the quoted numbers will match.
Step 4
Now fully installed, everything should work correctly, assuming your antivirus software is working and kept up to date.
It is possible, though, that a Trojan horse virus penetrates your adopted server. Reports have confirmed that the Narcissist 6.8 virus can attach itself to the adoptive host server. Once in, it will release Resent 4.0. This has been shown to cause massive disruption to the operating system of the host server. Because of this, your operating system will be unavoidably changed. In extreme cases, removal of your hardware from the server is the only viable option.
Step 5
In this case, please go back to step 3.
Step 6
Just as a laptop slows down and loses compatibility with age, so will your processor and firmware.
This is mainly due to a remnant of the Relinquishment Trauma 2.0 app. It was believed that this code would degrade over time, but our software engineers have discovered that it actually lies dormant in the system.
Relinquishment Trauma 2.0 is AI-based, so in effect, it is self learning. It develops its own mini apps to support your system's specific programs, and it was originally designed with self-obsolescence. Unfortunately, the opposite is true.
Below is a list of some of the mini apps it produces and installs:
Anxiety
Depression
Grief
Self-worth
addiction
In addition to creating mini apps, Relinquishment Trauma 2.0 now appears to also delete certain routines and apps, and these appear to be connected to the addition of the app ‘Self-worth’.
These can include:
I/P addresses not being recognised, creating a lack of association or belonging in any given adoptive server. This is often referred to as “a lack of mirroring”.
Problems with handling calculations, especially those linked to currency.
Integration protocols. With these being deleted, it's often difficult to connect peer-to-peer.
With all these data processing issues caused by Relinquishment Trauma 2.0, hardware issues are not uncommon.
Known issues
Adopted processors usually work better in smaller server rooms with fewer peripheral devices.
Any successful peer-to-peer connections will produce pings of data requests such as “what's it like being adopted?” as well as statements such as “Ah, that's lovely, you're so lucky”. And sometimes, in extreme cases, “I wish I were adopted, so nice to be chosen”.
Incorrect information is being received due to outside influences, such as your processor reporting false compatibility errors (peer-to-peer) or a depletion of data in the Self-worth app.
Again, Congratulations, you have completed the setup of your new Adoption. We hope you are happy with your new installation.
You can now continue on your own, safe in the knowledge that all the thinking and hard work is behind you and that being an adoptee will bring years of trouble-free existence.
If you experience any issues with your new status as an adoptee, please feel free to struggle on alone.
Further customer support
We do not have a helpline number available; therefore, ongoing customer support is not possible.
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