21 Things I Wish My Adoptee Mind Knew Years Ago.
My head was a mixed-up mess before I discovered the links to it and my adoption.
Below are 21 pieces of advice I wish someone had passed on to me then.
What advice would you give?
When somebody suggests, that ‘this’ might be related to your adoption, don’t dismiss it, learn about it!
Find people like you - you are not alone. Solidarity is a great comfort.
Apply for your adoption file - you need a datum point
Find your birth parents, or don't - just because others have, does not mean it's part of the process for you.
Trust your heart, not your thoughts.
Relax, just because someone spends time out of your company, doesn't mean you are being left alone again.
Write a journal, a book, a blog, shit, even a sentence. Anything that helps you see "you" on paper. It's very powerful.
Don't be dismayed by the lack of family mirroring; instead, talk about it with family and bring them into your world.
If it all feels too much, use therapy. In any form, adoption is a big subject; it made you. Find out how you were built.
If you want talking therapy, search for those who specialise in adoption. That will be mission-critical!
Watch out for 'people pleasing', you are good enough, and 'people' are more than capable of pleasing themselves.
Push yourself out of your comfort zone once in a while, because anxiety can fuck right off!
Learn your triggers, cut anxiety and depression off at the pass by doing a Liam Neeson and acquire yourself a "certain set of skills".
Give your negative side a name and a stupid persona. It's easier to laugh at it when it arrives.
Talk!
Read books about other adoptees' experiences, I can't begin to tell you what a bombshell that can be!
Tell your friends and family about yourself. There are times you just won't want ‘people’. Good friends will understand and give you space when they see the signs.
Avoid love bombing! Instead, take your time in new relationships, be honest, just like friends, the good ones will want to stay; they are NOT looking for reasons to leave…. Yes, really!
Try to avoid blaming your adoption for negative things about you. Instead, work on what you are unhappy with and try to make peace with it.
Closing down happens, be up front with those left in the dark when you turn the lights out.
Above all else, you are way more awesome than you think, and one of a huge community of people who often think and conduct themselves in similar ways. Find them, lean in, there's strength in numbers.
Small steps, Smaaall steps!
Image by Sarita White Photography
